What slows me down

I have a lot of tools to measure my motivation, my energy, my activities. That is not the problem. I always know when I am on a roll and when I am not. Measuring is a great way to know what is going on and to help to correct actions when it is needed.

However, it is not always easy. It requires the extra ingredient that will make the tools at hand really efficient. The extra ingredient may be determination, it may be willpower, or it may be discipline.

Some call it time, some call it luck too. There are days you feel lucky, everything runs smoothly, no catastrophic interruption slows you in your stride. The thing is that you do not really know in advance. And that is where planning is another issue.

Sometimes I plan ahead, I work with calendars, I write and jot down, and seldom go back to the plan, because I won’t take the time to evaluate how it worked: often looking back on some previous plans depresses me a lot, because it throws me in the past, and it brings me lots of judgments on my failed actions, or so perceived.

With planning ahead, should always come acknowledging the accomplishments, in a very small measure. Every day’s accomplishments may not always feel like they have had their place in the plan, and I am always so harsh on myself: looking back is never as exciting as looking ahead. It proves to have been more painful than expected, more tedious, more discouraging.

And it slows me down.

I tend to keep a lot of tools at hand: they might prove useful once, and then I try to keep them for they might prove useful again. Even if they are just tools, I give them power, instead of remembering that the power is in myself, this extra ingredient that is difficult to tap in, to store, and to keep always at hand, because it is not a tool, it is more like a spark, a spirit or a force, that I can forget about, or simply not feel connected to.

Like all sources, it definitely needs to be nurtured, fed and taken care of. These operations take time and pace. So when I actually slow down, it may be the right time to remember that this is the best opportunity to feed and nurture the spark, and be kind to myself without blame or judgment, without fear of failure, and with an open mind to what will come in during these times of lesser productivity.