This Christmas Eve

Each end of the calendar year, I like to take stock of my professional activities. I like to start planning for the next year as well.
Looking at this blog, I note how little I have published this past year.
I have always loved blogging.
To share with an audience of faithful readers about issues that matter most to me.
I may have the hope it would rally to my views of the world.
To invite someone with a different point of view to consider mine and discover a new place.
But I have never tried to convince or create any mass movement for my personal ideas.
My activism has always remained very confidential.
I discovered that communication is not – what a paradox! – my strongest suit.
It led me to feelings of being misunderstood often. To feelings of loneliness and solitude.
I like to tell stories. I don’t actually like to explain things. Yet I always force myself to explain things out of fear of creating confusion. Confusion would upset my sense of order and strive for perfection.
Such effort costs me time and energy, and both deserve rewards.
Could it be the reason why I stopped blogging in 2018? I barely shared anything on social media as well. I concentrated all my time elsewhere that was not public writing.
When I was a student, I dreamed of being an interpreter and I studied foreign languages.
When I was a child, I dreamed of being an actress. Instead, I played the games my gender, origins, culture, family, or country expected me to play. I have been pretty good at it.
I dreamed of a career in which I would have created a safe haven for people to come to resource and learn how to grow their talents.
Instead, I had two children.
Each became in their own way my teachers of new very foreign languages.
This year, Christmas week offers me a haven of tranquility that I would like to taste.
I do not celebrate the holiday so I enjoy the peaceful break for myself.
Looking back at the year.
I am trying to remember all those who left this world this past year. It is leaving holes in my heart and nostalgia for the memories we had together.
I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt to failures and difficulties that I encountered. To let them be springboards to create better results next time I try. The lessons they teach bring wisdom once we repeat and practice the exercises and persist.
Persistence is key.
This blog is still here!
Even though it lacked consistency I hope it can still play its role, for me, as well as for its visitors.
To all, I wish a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. May we all have many opportunities to spend some time together. I look forward to this miracle of interconnectivity.

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French blogger in the US writes on cultural differences, disabilities, religion, social media and politics.

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